Changes need to be made

I saw a 2 pound gain this week.back up to 184. I don't know what it is going to take but I am not being very good with food, seems I'm just grazing all the time and it is for sweets mostly.

I filled up my water picture today and am trying to get in water, but the eating is not going well. I guess I'm going to have to buckle down and journal everything I am eating, even eating off the small plate is not good enough for me right now cause I end up going back for seconds!

It seems that I just have this internal talk that keeps telling me it doesn't matter how big I am , to enjoy life and I'm tired of playing the "weight loss" game. While at the same time I know that in order to enjoy life I need to be healthy so I'm here longer and don't end up a diabetic or having heart problems or stuff.

Half of my problem right now is I'm just over worked and stressed and sore all the time so doing extra effort for foods just seems like too much work for me, and I just want to crawl under a rock and hibernate.
The kids are as demanding as ever, if not more now that the baby is walking and into so much stuff. I managed to
baby proof the dining room and move the toys into the corner here beside my desk so I can block him off from other areas.
DD's "spiritedness" is so intense these days that EVERYTHING is an argument.

Part of my food issues are that with DH's illness comes a brain misfiring issue that sometimes when food is cooked it smells bad to him and he gets physically sick and cannot eat, then 2 hours later he is asking for food to be made because he is starving, and also that he needs to eat like every 4 hours or so it seems all the time, even in the middle of the night, or he is starving and his sugars get low. I can literally hear his stomach growling and he gets weak and more sick when he gets hungry and doesn't eat. This would not be an issue for other couples, where he'd just go and get himself something to eat
but he can't do that and I end up eating when he is eating, because I'm making it.


last night at 3 am he was starving, i was sin bed already half asleep and i had to get up to make him food.
So I made him a hot roast beef sandwich from supper leftovers and I ended up eating a sandwich too. :( I didn't need it, wasn't hungry, I was just making food, and his smelled good and I've been craving carbs, so I just made it without even thinking about it. I have to get over this and stop that!

I just got home from a breastfeeding meeting , play group and we have election day here today to vote for a new Prime Minister and parliament seats, I have a tonne of housework and stuff to do and then take DD to her Sparks meeting and go vote. So, I had decided at DH's encouragement that getting Mcd's for supper was a good idea, so I just finished eating a big mac ( 13 points) I didn't even really enjoy it it was just fast and warm and cheap.

I don't know how to kick this right now.

I need to be journaling and exercising.