pregnant!!!

Weght loss efforts are on hold due to pregnancy :)

will resume weight loss in early 2005 after the birth Stay tuned

yoyo

Yep I gained 4 pounds.

I am not depressed about it I am mad at myself. I KNOW the program works when you work it, I even LOST 2 pounds last week when I thought I should not have.

I do not know what it is about me mentally that will not allow myself to weight less than 170, am back up to it again!

I am having a major mental block and no matter how much I read the book or try to figure out what my pay off is for staying at 170, cannot figure it out, if I could name it I could claim it and then change it, but I am stuck!

this sucks

I know I won't get any bigger than 170 because I have no clothes big enough to grow back into. than this size, so that is a bonus,but I am really bugged by my inability to stay on program after I hit 170ish,this happens to me every time.

am I afraid to be skinny?I don't know. I need to obviously step up the mental game and work at staying on points and exercising like I used to be doing.

down 2 pounds

I stepped on the scale today and guess what!??

I LOST, yes LOST 2 pounds!!!!!! I was amazed I told DD I could not figure out how I did that with the stress of this week and the eating i did and he said that it was probably from the walking and house cleaning I have been doing. He is probably right, but still I indulged way too much this week.

I have started reading the book again, I am the leader of a weight watchers and dr Phil yahoo group, and the troops needed some leading , so I dusted it off and we are basically reading a key a week and talking them through etc, so I did this because I know if I had to find time for myself to read it I would not have, but because I have to read it for the group, I am getting it read :) hey whatever works

I know I am worth it, just some days it gets very very overwhelming, and I feel like just laying down and letting the world run me over.

Anyway I'm glad that things are getting back to normal here (what is normal anyway)

Roller blades!!

May 8th 2004

I woke up to a 2 pound loss even though I had over eaten abut 40 extra points this week, I guess the extra exercise was working out :) that makes me motivated to do better next week.

We went garage saleing today with my MIL, and got some things, ( mostly for DD of course LOL) but we faired out well with a ceiling fan for 5 dollars and I got a 89 dollar pair of high quality roller blades for only 5 dollars, which excited me immensely :) my roller blades are about 8 years old and were cheap to start with, these new ones will be nice and if it does not rain tomorrow I'll go out for a roll around the BLVD.

we went out to lunch to Honey garlic, our family favourite all you an eat buffet, I had two plates, one full of salad and then one with the small amounts of things I wanted to taste filled with lots of Chinese veggie stir-fry etc. I didn't count points today but I made good choices, then for dessert I had a small apple crumble with a scoop of ice-cream on it.

Now I am eating a veggies and tuna fish and lemon stir fry cause I'm bit hungry and going to bed soon.

Derailed

Monday getting back on track

this weekend was NUTS, I totally BLEW my points. i really need to stop eating due to stress.

I started back on points today, I did ok, but I am battling the urge to just go and binge on whatever I can get my hands on. I hate stress.

I went swimming this evening because H was gracious enough to pay for me to go with her. I am going to keep track of how often she does that and pay her back in some way via favors etc. ( I am making her wedding dress and wedding cake for her july wedding)...who knew I was so talented,lol well actualylet me take a moment to brag, to boost my self esteem., I AM talented, when she was almost in tears because no store has a dress big enough for her ( she is over 350 pounds) i thought that with some modificatons I could make her a dress from a pattern with no problems, I ahve made prom gowns and wedding dresses before. so when I told hr I would make it for her if she bought the materials etc for her, she was very releived, and of course I am good at making cakes, so I will be doing a purple rose three tiered wedding cake for her with teddy bears bride and groom on the top. .. ok end of self brag and esteem boosting moment.

I pulled out my sewing machine and dusted it off and made a dedicated sewing corner for myself and am playing around with some ideas that have been bouncing around in my head recently. I made a little clutch purse last night out of jean material.

I went back to winning points, and I want it to be known that I will not.. make that totally refuse to wrap my brain around flex points... LOL it is just WAY TOO easy to eat a bank of 35 points too fast for me, so I am back to the range of points and banking for each day to save up for special occasions etc. I like this much better, I am used to it and I know it works.

My goals for exercise this week :
Monday: Go swimming
Tuesday : do ball pilates
Wednesday: go swimming or/ do 10 miles on the stationary bike
Thursday: go for a walk for a mile around the BLVD at a fast pac ( 1/2 hour usually)
Friday: do ball Pilates
Saturday: 1/2 hour od brisk wlking ro 10 miles on the stationary bike
Sunday day of rest, maybe go to the park with the family if it is nice outside.
This doesnot include any of the walking I do for gettig groceries etc. I WILL not tell myslef that it s ok to NOT do my plan just becasuse I walked to teh store for bread or the library for a book etc.

My goal is to stay on points this week and try to get in as much water as i possibly can ( cause I NEVER reach the 6 a day I am supposed to have)

try to reread the dr phil book again, i need the boost.

170 and holding

The computer has been dead for a while , so I have been unable to keep this updated the way I like. I am back ohline now and hopefully things will pick up again.

I am holding at 170 pounds right now for over a month becasue I ahve not been eating well and my swimming pass is over and I needed to find other ways to exercise.

well i weighed today and I ahve not lost a pound all week even though I have been on points all week and exercised three days so far as well. I think maybe cause I chart my food from monday to sunday now I should perhaps change my weight in day to monday? I'm not sure. it just feels a little disapointing to have not lost any weight after a week on OP and exercise.

I am trying to look at the positive of it all that it is for health and not necessairly the weight loss. but it was hard not to buy chocolate at the store when I went for milk, thinking with " well it work this ahrd and it didn't work anyway I might as well enjoy the chocloate I have been craving"

I didn;t buy it, but it was a battle.

21 pounds down

I am feeling much better today though this dry hacky cough is driving me nuts... chewing gum a lot.

I was up early this am and went to the store to buy the supplies I needed to make a cake for a client, and came home nad did that. I got to use my new kitchenaid for the first time making a cake and it was nice :) was fast and easy and clean up was a breeze :)

then we headed out to the flea market with MIL. This was a plan DH had for us and not something I really wanted to do , I would have rathered stay home and clean a bit, I'm actually in the mood, so I usualy strike while the iron is hot. so instead I went and got a pair of flip flops for swimming nights . I hate walking on my bare feet on the locker room floor, you never know what fungus is growing under foot literally , so I feel good getting them out of season :)

I tried to eat my 25 points max this week but had a hard time doing so due to this being my first week with the less 2 points a week. With feeling miserable all week this is literally the first day I have had any energy to speak of.

I didn't count the points I ate in sugared cough drops, or medacine in a sugar base, but i tried todrink lots of water and even though I did not really swim but onlty walked the lengths of the pool, I went swimming 5 timnes this week. I managed to get in only 80 sit ups this week, rather then a 150 to 200 i do weekly, but that is ok.

Still I thought with these slow downs and all I would stay the same, nbut I actually showed a loss of 3 pounds. Now I am down to 171 pounds and 21 poubnds lost since January 5th when I went back on plan, it feels really good to have this loss so far and the clothes I wear now are just falling off of my I need to get a belt for my jeans :)

I bought sugar free gum to chew on when I make cakes as well so I won;t be tempted todip my fngers and tast the icing. I of course do do a small taste test to see I have mixed it roght but after that I gowent and brushed my teeth and stuck to gum.

Chocolate covered cherries

Feb 14th 2004

I had two chocolate covered cherries to day for valentines day ( 2 points each they were small) and have been on points all week.though it took some doing, I had some things that were not points friendly that took activity points to cover but that si ok, I made it... I am thinking about having diet coke and rum to loosen my neck and count the points for the rum.

I don't usually drink, but I have tried everything for my neck,so maybe this will work.

I stretched before I got out of bed this morning and heard a few pops in my neck that sounded like popcorn and have been unable to move my neck at all today since, I did something to a muscles in my left side, and it hurts :(

I have lost two pounds this week,so I am now down by 16 pounds since January 1st. :) I'm feeling pretty good about that. all my clothes are looser and it feels nice to be able to see the difference. I keep getting fearful though that I am going to hit a plateau soon... but when I look back at my week and see how much different I am doing now,I see that I am doing a lot of things right now that I wasn't before.

I'm still trying to get in as much water an possible in a day... I have 12 bottles now that I refill every day and try to get john and I to drink them all. I really feel different if I don;t get my water in.
Feb 20th 2004

18 pounds total lost now :)
My official weight in is tomorrow, but I weighed in today and have lost another 2 pounds :) I'm down into the next points range now, 20-25 points a day. sometimes it feels strange to go down the next points range,I hope I am not hungry.. have to work the Ap points if I do, cause some days it felt like I needed the whole 27 and an extra 2 Ap's to feel not hungry.

That weight loss this week was with dinner out to restaurants twice, two nights in a row.. so am doing well with my most dangerous sabotage areas of my weight loss, the choices on a menu. But obviously I am learning to make the right choices and enjoying the challenge of eating within points while out at a restaurant and enjoying more the social part of the experience.

Emotional Week

I only swam for exercisethis week, I did not do any ball Pilates, like I have been dong. But that is ok, I think I needed the break, I was dealing with a lot of emotional stuff this week ( PMS, MIL, PWS ( pissed off wife syndrome))

I had an argument with a Collegue that required a lot of my attention due to her public accusations etc, and also required me to leave the group she and I were a part of,I did a lot of grieving over that until yesterday when my neighbour had a chat and she said "I think you already know what you need to do , you're just sad that you have to" and that made me do what I needed to do, and now I feel much better,more at peace.

This week I learned though that even though I was completely stressed about it all I didn't let food comfort me. I got hugs from some great friends ;) and was able to talk it out with my circle of support,and now I feel much better and able to start a fresh new week.

I lost two pounds and I am learning that it is not about the show of loss on the scale but about feeling better about myself, and knowing I am worth it, and I have value in this world.

Next week I would like to continue to improve on my water intake, and get in some ball Pilates as well, since I miss it.

This is beginning to be habit

down the two pounds :) was on program all week. not much else to report.

inches count too

Well the scale is showing a maintain at 182 pounds this week.

BUT

I have lost a totalof 4 inches offmy hips this month so far, and 3 off my waist.

I am totally on points this week with my plan to make up for my indulgence on Teusday, and I went swimming for extra time last night with DH and DD for a total of 2 and a half hours of movement (in that time about 35 minutes of heart raised laps ) arm exercise with water resistance dumb bells and 70 ( COUNT EM 70!!!!!!) ab crunches.

My goal is to get to 50 without stopping,so far I am at 20 without stopping.

I feel really great and I am determined to keep doing well. I can physically see changes in my body. I used our digital camera for my own personal before and after pictures of me naked, showing my front and side views and my bye bye flappy skin under my arms.

DH told me last night laying in bed cuddling before I passed out from exhaustion from swimming that he was really proud of me and he could see the cahnge in my additude,becasue I let the holidays be a points free time, but was careful and went right back on track afterwards, and he sees how good I am doing the last three weeks.

That made me feel really good :)

A WW math lesson

I ate way beyond my points for today at a family dinner this evening. so I'll be working to make that up this week, but I am determined, just a little more exercise and no problem:)

My MIL called out of the blue as I was starting to cook supper to take us out for family dinner to celebrate my BIL getting a GREAT job at MC Graw Hill publishers, and so we arranged to go out after my first in person weight loss challenge meeting at 6:00 pm.

I had no idea where we were going for dinner after the meeting to celebrate my BIL's new job would be an all you can eat pasta buffet. Yikes!!!!!

I had 22 points to use for the day given that I had not eaten much all day. but I think I totally went over,I am going to calculate as best I can now what it is.

It totally did not agree with me either :/ upset stomach and running to the bathroom lots :(

( except for the big plate of plain salad topped with a half cup of greek salad for the oilve oil I ate which was nice ) I should have stuck to salad. OH well, back on track,no looking back.

be here now,be somewhere else later :)

DD stayed with nana and uncle while DH and I went to adult swim and I got in a half hour of raised heart rate swimming and water work out ( using dumbbells in the water etc. DH and I sat in the whirl pool for a while. and I did 50 crunches on my abs. He is pretty tired and worn out,he go a bit dizzy in the pool for a minute trying to keep up with me at one point,but I reminded him to take his own pace. He did about 4 laps in the large pool,which was good for him :) I'm very proud of him. we use the family change rooms when DH goes as he needs help getting dressed and undressed from his wet swim clothes, so we had some quiet time in the change room to talk and stuff. just about regular every day stuff, he told me he can really see a difference in my body already ( when you see it naked I guess you can see a differnce) :)

DD was excited to spend time with nana.

So that was my day,but I'm not worried,it was a slight slip up, and I remaind mindful while there and limited my selction to tastes mostly.

here's to a good rest for the week to make up for my indulgence this evening and remaingin on points this week.

..............the math lesson...........

ok, so the actual number is in ( give or take one or two things I over estimated on to be safe :)

I ate 57.5 points today! yikes....

so this is my math...
57.5
-27 ( today's allotment)
_______
30.5
- 2 banked points from yesterday
________
28.5
-2 points from activiy points earned yesterday (swimming)
________
26.5
-2 points from tonights work out ( swimming)
_________
25.5 to make up for the rest of the week.



my plan to make it add up right.......
wed 22 points ( bank 5)
thurs 22 points ( bank 5)
friday 22 points ( bank 5)
saturday 22 points (bank 5)
that equals 20 points and only 5.5 left to make up.

so this week I am adding a ball pilates work out on Thursday ( wil give me 2.5 points over to make up for the food intake) and ohh i forgot about my walk today for 30 minutes to the library.. sooo that equals...1 point... and then I will take one activity point from tomorrow nights swimming ( I will gain more then that...) and it is all covered.


so my week now is 22 points every day and an extra ball pilates work out on Thursday. My regular swim wednesday and friday with the girls will be additional exercise not put towards my binge this evening. :)

ya that works :)

I'm good :)

Great Week

I have had a GREAT week...I was on points every day this week,( two weeks running now) went swimming 4 times this week, did 50 cruches on my abs in the last 3 days ( gotta start somewhere) and have walked a few times in the blithering cold... ( thankfully the temp is going backup again and we are only at minus 4 degrees celcius right now.

the scale is showing a two pound gain from my official weight in last Saturday but I am sure it is because aunt flo is still here.

the circle of support I have created for myself via the web and in real life has been a wonderuful thing, and is one of the reasons that I am doing so well i think

I have a group of girls I love to go swimming with 3 times a week now, and a wonderful neighbour who wanted to help me acheive my weight loss goals by lending me the money for the swimming pass. I was amazed,I actually only went over for tea to complain and cry on her shoulder about my MIL saying a swimming pass would be a waste of money,( since she thinks DH would not go, when it was his idea in the first place) and she gave me the money for it and told me to take my time paying it back. She is a real sweetheart, she loves DD so much and is really helpful and a good friend now :)

It is a great break for me to go swimming with the girls,I feel human, and with DD old enough to entertain herself,it is not too hard on DH to stay home with her.

he has been real supportive of it and of my journey to change my sedentray lifestyle, and I am really thankful for that. It is also great that he is getting out with me twice a week with DD as well as a family to go to swimming as well. The heated pool will help his musclesand his ME.

He is being treated now for seriously painful sinusitus.. :( poor guy he gets so sick every winter it really bothers him so much.

I have been ripping through the apartment today cleaning like a mad woman, only becasue I was struck they the urge. I cleanded out bedroom and built a small table against the wall with two extra kitchen chairs we had so DD and I can eat dinner with DH when he is laid up in bed in pain and sick. I hate bringing him his food and walking away from him to eat alone. So we can all eat as a family even if it is in the bedroom. Hopefully it will work out ok.

DD is a sweet heart, she likes doing my ball pilates exercises with me and keeps asking to do them, we will tomorrow and I know she'll have fun :) tonight we turned on Shania Twain while I was cleaning and danced and sang in the bedroom, she is very into singing these days :) which I love. She is so sweet to watch :) I want to get her a microphone and tape player thingy from fisher price so she can tape herself singing and listen to tapes :) the girl is learning to read and is unbeleivable!! She loves the swimming as well, and I think in no time she will be doing laps with me :)

hello muscles!

Well it is actually Tuesday now and I am off to bed.. I had a good day stayed on points ( with 4 to spare) and did 35minutes of lap swimming at the local rec center with the ladies from my weight loss challenge group .

I am feeling muscles I never knew I even owned,but it feels good, funny how when you exercise getting your water intake seems so much easier. I only got in about 4 today but that is better then I usually do , and now I am going to just down one more before I go to bed:)

NINE POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!

my weight in was this AM and I lost......NINE pounds!!!!!! Holy CRAP! It was nice to see the difference on the scale, I know I won't see losses like that all the time. But it feels good to know that being accountable and having some portion control with WW and doing intentional exercise really makes a difference :)

now down to 180LBS !! WOOOOhoooo I am following weight watchers at home and with the help of my butterfly friends and with the WLC friends online :)